My apology -- for everything, to everyone

I'm sure I'm not the only person who finds this whole Michael Vick thing tremendously fascinating.

A celebrity athlete, in the prime of his career, charged with a heinous crime against animals that ends up putting his football career in jeopardy sounds more like the plot of a bad made-for-TV movie than something that could actually happen in real life. But what I found particularly interesting was how Vick crafted a very generic apology. It's become almost as interesting to see how people implicated in wrongdoing "apologize" for their crimes without ever admitting to anything.

A few years ago, Jason Giambi made a very carefully worded statement about his use of steroids (or not). It was tough to tell what he was apologizing for, since he never actually admitted doing anything wrong.

Vick's apology took that to a whole new level.

"First, I want to apologize, you know, for all the things that -- that I've done and that I have allowed to happen. I want to personally apologize to commissioner Goodell, Arthur Blank, coach Bobby Petrino, my Atlanta Falcons teammates, you know, for our — for our previous discussions that we had. And I was not honest and forthright in our discussions, and, you know, I was ashamed and totally disappointed in myself to say the least."

OK...good start....apologizing for the "things" he's done and allowed to happen. Of course, we'll expect to find out what those "things" are...

"I want to apologize to all the young kids out there for my immature acts and, you know, what I did was, what I did was very immature so that means I need to grow up."

OK, now he's immature, and done "things." Go on..

"I take full responsibility for my actions. For one second will I sit right here — not for one second will I sit right here and point the finger and try to blame anybody else for my actions or what I've done.
I'm totally responsible, and those things just didn't have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It's just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can't happen."

Nope, those things can't just happen. Whatever those things are, that is.

"I offer my deepest apologies to everybody out in there in the world who was affected by this whole situation. And if I'm more disappointed with myself than anything it's because of all the young people, young kids that I've let down, who look at Michael Vick as a role model. And to have to go through this and put myself in this situation, you know, I hope that every young kid out there in the world watching this interview right now who's been following the case will use me as an example to using better judgment and making better decisions.
"Once again, I offer my deepest apologies to everyone. And I will redeem myself. I have to."

Yup, redeem away....just be careful not to mention what "things" you did wrong.

Absolutely amazing. He did mention the word "dogfighting" once in his apology, but never to say that he was involved with it. Or that he (allegedly) was the money behind the operation.

Nooooooo.....what he seemed like (to me anyway) was that he was most sorry that he got caught.

And that's truly sorry.

Read! Subscribe! Buy!

I'm one of those people who actually use the internet for information (yeah, yeah...just the they guys who read Playboy for the articles). I especially like to find "experts" on the subjects of Promotional Products (no surprise there), sales and marketing.

Almost always, these experts offer us free e-mail tips, just for subscribing to their daily or weekly newsletters. Seems pretty simple -- you get information you may want to read delivered directly to your in-box. Pretty easy.

In fact it's so easy, I subscribe to at least 6 such newsletters. Of course, all of these "experts" know how to help you sell more, make better profits, regrow your own hair and become rich beyond your wildest dreams. Here's an actual example of one of the marketing "tips" an expert sent (I'm going to paraphrase so I don't get my butt sued).

"When leaving a message on a prospect's voicemail, be sure that the absolute last thing you say is the person's name. This will show a sincere interest in the person and will give them a warm and fuzzy feeling about calling you back."

As if it was that easy.

"Hi, Mr. Prospect. I don't know you and you don't know me. Buy my stuff. I'll call to check in with you in six minutes, Mr. Prospect."

Of course, we know it doesn't work that way. Every salesperson and every customer has their own unique style, and there is no "one size fits all" strategy.

But that doesn't stop the so-called experts from trying. And here's the interesting point -- those experts aren't really trying to get you to increase YOUR sales -- they're trying to increase THEIR sales.

In addition to the free newsletter, there is always an offer to buy their six-month course for $299, with $14,000 worth of free gifts (a bit of an oxymoron, if you ask me. And check this out -- one of the free gifts was an e-book valued at $85 -- compared to a paperback which sells for $9.95). Obviously, someone is buying these. And even more obviously, someone is getting rich off of it.

So... coming soon....our special, three-times-a-day newsletter. This newsletter will be jam-packed with worthless information designed to help you sell more of whatever you sell. And it will be written with lots of short sentences! And exclamation points! And words that are capitalized FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON WHATSOVER!! Sign up now! Tell a friend. And you will also want to buy our 66-part companion sells guide for $199 -- which includes over $65,000 in FREE GIFTS!!! Lots of info! Lots more short sentences! All designed to make me FABULOUSLY WEALTHY!!!!

All you have to do is call our toll-free number and leave a message.

And make sure the last thing on that message is my name.

All the best....